Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Have you ever loved something so much, put every ounce of blood, sweat, tears and pride into it, yet you still feel as if you fall short of perfection? That's how I feel in this moment. 

When I began writing  on July 30, 2013 I had no idea what I was pulling myself into. It seemed simple-write a book. I wrote the series outline, then began book 1-Covered in Coal. I set a tentative release date, that day came and went. I battled writers block, self doubt, personal family issues. It was a mess. But I pushed through it all, never giving up. Finally, when I wrote those 3 final words (you know the ones...) the most amazing sense of pride consumed me. I cried for an hour. I published Covered in Coal, and immediately saw the cut throat side of the Indie Community-the side I hoped to never experience. Again, I persevered, pushing through it all with my head held high trying to keep my eye on my goal-writing. 

For 4 sleepless months, I worked on my next book-Lies Beneath the Surface. This book clung to my heart with each breath I took. I craved my characters and their stories; and their stories were gut wrenching. Over 1500 hours were spent perfecting Lies Beneath the Surface. From writing to, cover design, formatting, editing, revisions, swag design, to promotions. It never ends. I wake up each morning with a panicked rush to start the day, and it always leads with my work, and ends with my work. 

After I published Lies Beneath the Surface, it didn't take off as I'd expected...Covered in Coal 
was ranking Best Seller again, Lies hit a few times, but Covered in Coal was clinging to ranks and refusing to fall. Reviews for both books come in each day, and always bring a smile to my face. Then there are a select few that you read and wonder- uhm, did they READ the book at all? WOW-could this reviewer be any more HARSH? 

But as I sit at my computer from 6 am to 2am each day I hadn't even noticed the world was passing me by in a blur. Every thing revolves around my writing. Each thought that races through my mind is book related. It's gettting OLD. I was working on a takeover the other night, as my boys raced through the house to brush their teeth for bed, and my husband flipped through the channels...moments later the only noise that filled the room was his slight snore and I realized that time had once again slipped away, as it has done on countless nights before. 

I've cried more times over the last 2 weeks, than I think I ever have. These weren't happy- I just published my second book tears, but full on emotion of feeling as if I'm never enough, no matter how hard I try. I miss MY life. I miss the little moments with my children and husband, snuggled up on the couch watching movies all weekend long. I miss sleep! 

Now, I am not in any way whatsoever whining here, but I want everyone to understand how I am feeling as I deliver the next statement. It's crucial that you understand my feelings. Yes-I have feelings! I am a real life, breathing woman who has a life, a beautiful family and loving husband that require more attention that the Indie Community; attention I have robbed them of, because of my work.  Writing isn't just a job for me, it's a true enjoyment that I hold dear to my heart, an outlet from the every day stresses of life.But when the stresses of my life are fully associated with my job, it's time to take a breather. 

As of September 24th, I will be taking an extended break from ALL Social Media Platforms.My pages will remain active, and I may peek my head in when time allows it. 

 Mend the Seams and Depths of Darkness will NOT have a release day set, until I am fully rested and in a better mental frame of mind to be able to focus on my work, without sacrificing the finer moments in my life. My health, mental and physical has suffered immensely because of my work, as well as the personal relationships in my life...those are things that I can never gain once lost. 

I love ALL of my fans, and I hope that my books touch you in some way. My characters all live in my heart and I can't wait to complete the Buried Secrets Series...it WILL be finished, and released in 2015. I hope that you will all continue to tell your friends about this series, and will continue to support me in this crazy journey of mine. 

Much love, always